Rants

Shhhhh……

Are there no places left in the word where silence is still golden?  Must everyone always shout to be heard, have their phones set stunningly loud, and just generally be an audio nuisance?

Here’s some thoughts on “personal noise space”:

• If you have a hacking cough, stay at home where only your loved ones will be annoyed with you.  They’re less likely to stab you with their ball point pen.  Maybe.
• Personal conversations should not be shared in public waiting rooms.  We don’t all need to hear about how you fired so-and-so and how they went on a cursing rampage…really, we don’t.
• Do you realize your hands free option in your car works through the stereo speakers?  Yes, we can hear your conversation out here in the parking lot.  Quite clearly. Too bad about that STD, though…
• Dining rooms are are meant for eating, not talking over all your besties and then choking on your croutons.  (I might give you first aid if you need it, but first I’ll chastise you for talking and eating at the same time….and then hope the process leaves you blissfully hoarse.)
• If there are signs up around that ask you to be quiet and respect the solitude of others….maybe you should do that.  If you can’t, you’re clearly in the wrong place.

Okay, that’s enough….I’ll be quiet now…..hush……..

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Things That Drive Me Bonkers!

Slow drivers.

Car security systems that honk the horn when the door lock is engaged.

Their.  There.  They’re not the same.

People who argue for the sake of arguing (or hearing themselves talk).

Touch screens that don’t register my fingers as human.

Parents who let their children scream in restaurants.

People who have yet to get the message that the city will not pick up their TV, PC, Stereo or old Nintendo console in the regular garbage pick up.

People who stop to check their cell phones right inside or outside of the door to a store.

Voice mails with no subject as to why I should call you back.  If you don’t tell me why, then I won’t.

Commercials at the movies…at least when I pay full price.

Facebook.  Seriously, this is neither an effective communication tool nor a bridge to stellar relationships.

People who smack their lips while eating.

 

There.  I feel better now!

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Is Theatre Etiquette Dead?
Perhaps this is an observation on the state of humanity, but has our sense of etiquette sunk so low that we now drop all pretense of politeness at the door?  The situation has gone far beyond the stolen armrest and trampled toes of years past and right into “this seat is my personal space and I’ll use it as I see fit.”

It’s to the point now that I expect to be gifted with the “value added ticket” with my purchase.  You know, the seat from which you can see the show up on stage and hear the back up singer in the seat next to you.  Or worse, the running commentary from the expert behind you.

Then there are the 8:15 pm tickets.  How special to have an entrance time all to yourselves!  And, of course, you never have aisle seats – you’re always seated in the middle of the row and carry small suitcases with you.  You’re not only disruptive to your row mates either;  I was once whacked in the back of the head by an over-large arse as it squeezed through the row behind me.

I’ve heard good theatre described as the act of keeping a room full of people from coughing for two hours.  Once upon a time, the beeping of a digital watch or the unwrapping of a cough candy was the worst bit of noise pollution one might expect to encounter in the middle of a heart wrenching scene.  Now at the climactic moment we’re invariably treated to a loud, digitized version of ‘Fur Elise’ and a vision of an over-permed grey head diving into the annals of a gargantuan purse to silence a now invisible cell phone.  If we’re lucky – if not, she’ll go ahead and answer the thing when she finally finds it!

Then there are those who feel they need to keep making money while they waste the money they spent on the ticket.  Sure, texting and emailing is silent, but have these idiots not noticed that it’s dark in the theatre and they’ve just turned on a freaking strobe light?!

When the show is finally over the torture is not.  Why is it that the people who make it to the exit first feel that the best pace of perambulation is a shuffle?  I’ve seen cattle drives move faster than most audiences.  I think this is why there is so much honking in parking lots after the show.  Those of us who were looking for a night of escape from the common life are just wanting to get away from our fellow commoners as fast as we possibly can!